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its official: rolling stones to call it quits

Posted by jb welda 
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jb welda
its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 05, 2006 12:45AM
aka rolling stones reference of the day:

(slightly edited for space)

NEW YORK - The Rolling Stones farewell tour, Put Your Ya-Yas Away, is set to
kick off in Boston this August. The yearlong extravaganza will be given a
leg up by a massive infusion of cash from Cialis, the erectile dysfunction
drug, and other age-appropriate sponsors, said their publicist today.
"Let's face it," laughed Derrick Armstrong-Jones, "these boys aren't getting
any younger. They suffer from the same age-related problems-erectile
dysfunction, hair loss, gastro-intestinal cock-ups, and the occasional bout
of incontinence-as their contemporaries do. Products that address these
concerns make a lot more sense at this stage of their career than an ad for
Calvin Klein briefs."

Throughout their forty-some years in the entertainment business, the Rolling
Stones have always shown their audience the way, whether that way involved
scoring with chicks, mocking the establishment, or getting elegantly wasted.
Obviously, Mick Jagger and company, whose combined age is 242, feel they owe
it to their peers to stare down the vicissitudes of age with the same cool,
cynical eye with which they stared down the vicissitudes of youth.

"Yeah, there's a generation gap, and that's a drag," said Jagger by cell
phone from his posh New York apartment. "But I'm not about to take orders
from kids. They're so out of it, man. They don't know what it's like being
old. If I want to pop Beano and get off on Correctol with stool softener,
that's my business. I'm not hurting anybody."

Never one to shy away from confronting members of the "clueless generation,"
Jagger recently upbraided his daughter Elizabeth, 21, when he learned she
was thinking about posing nude in Playboy.

"I told her she was too old for that sort thing," said Jagger. "She ought to
start acting her age."

According to Jagger, the Stones have just finished mixing their new album,
"Wrinkled Fingers." The band has been accused of making "corporate rock" for
some time now, but Jagger insists the new album will hit as hard as anything
they've done. The album's fourteen tracks include Sympathy for the Dowager,
Gimme Tax Shelter, Time Isn't on My Side, Limpin' Jack Flash, Stumbling
Dice, Fake Sugar, Waiting on a Doctor, Get Off My Condominium, Girl with the
Cataract Eyes, Midnight Accident, It's All Over Me Now, Under My Thumbnail,
Bed Wetting Blues, and The Last Time.

one love
jah bill
Re: its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 05, 2006 01:44AM
LMAO Great stuffwinking smiley
a classic those Stones
or as some kids call them "the Gall Stones"
Re: its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 05, 2006 06:09AM
The Stones:

My favorite Stone is still Sharon.
After that, Sly.
Re: its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 05, 2006 01:59PM
and the FAMILY STONE w/craig nelson and diane keaton et al,
Re: its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 06, 2006 12:35AM
It's actually true. Here's a real story:

Rolling Stones Too Old for Their Own Concert

Veteran rockers the Rolling Stones are too old to be in the crowd of their own concerts, after organizers of their forthcoming Super Bowl gig banned audience members above the age of 45.

The National Football League big game next month will see the band perform in front of 2,000 volunteers at Detroit's Ford Field during half time.

But middle-aged fans and seniors have been barred from being on the field because organizers fear they are not spritely enough to dance, sing and cheer in front of football supporters both in the stadium and watching on TV.

The controversial rule means the British rockers, who boast a combined age of 245, would be excluded from their own show.

An NFL spokesman, however, has defended the decision, explaining, "You have to attend rehearsal and be able to stand for long stretches of time. And you have to run on to Ford Field with 2,000 other folks."
Re: its official: rolling stones to call it quits
January 06, 2006 05:02AM
yea Sly is my fav too,
Correct - Old people can't run - look at the Golden Girls - nuff saidwinking smiley